What’s the Problem with Sex?

Lets be honest, I’m 21 and still a virgin. In fact I am waiting until marriage. But I’m not going to write about my religious or personal beliefs about sex. I am going to write about something that has been on mind lately.

I realized people are afraid to talk about sex and, yet we live in a over sexualized society. People don’t mind making fun of sex. Makin jokes about it but we can’t talk about it.

People act like only guys think about sex. “Men are visual creatures” they say. What about woman? Coming from a woman, I’m going to tell you guys this. Women are visual creatures too. I don’t know if men are more visual than women but that is the most stupidest quote I ever heard.

Some people think that is the reason why girls and, women should dress modestly. A man will look at you even if you do dress modestly. I am not against advocating modesty but if you dress modestly to get a man not to notice you sexually, it’s not going to work.

What my question ball down to “What’s the problem with sex?”

Society tells you if you don’t have sex until marriage or because you just don’t want to, you’re a prude. If you do have sex before marriage, they call you a slut. These statements are a real big contradiction. So what if someone wants to wait until marriage? If they don’t wait until their marriage that is their choice.

Even when a woman is married the still feel ashamed to have sex because that is what society tell her. Sex is bad. Sex is dirty. Society tell her sex is only something that men want and, need.

In popular music, instead of talking about how sex is a tender moment between two lovers, they play song like “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke that talk about sex as a dirty, and selfish act.

Because society tells women that sex is something that men want and, need. We have feminist saying if a woman has sex before marriage they are liberated.

Proof of that “A liberated woman who has sex before marriage and, a job after.” Gloria Steinman. So now if you wait until marriage you are not liberated or a feminist. There are so many things wrong with this quote

Another thing it is becoming abnormal to be a virgin at 21. Don’t get me wrong teenagers have been having sex since the beginning of time but this is 2014. We live longer now and, it is so abnormal to be a virgin at 21 years old. You are still young when you are 21. You have plenty of time to have sex. What is wrong with this society where it is the end of the world to be a 21 year old virgin?

Parents expect their teenagers to wait to have sex until they are adults but they don’t want to talk about sex to their kids. There are statistics saying the more often you talk to your children about sex, they will most likely wait longer. Seriously parents talk to your teens about sex and, healthy relationships. Please I beg you.

We expect too much out of sex. People say “You shouldn’t wait until marriage to have sex. You have to take that baby out for a test drive.” Look sex isn’t a car. My body isn’t a car. Your body isn’t a car. Do not compare sex with cars. You are just going to break up because the sex isn’t good enough? What since does that make?

People think if you wait until marriage to have sex, it will be some kind of magical night. It would be so wonderful and, special. Depends on your perception it could be wonderful and, special. That does not mean it won’t be awkward. It probably won’t be magical. Actually that depends on your perception too. My point is people expect too much. You don’t have to test out that “car” before you are married, but you shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations about sex either.

Sex is a personal decision that you have to make. Whether you’re waiting for marriage or having a one night stand. It is a personal decision that no one should judge you on. But this post isn’t about having sex. It’s about our views on sex and, how we are afraid to talk about it. IN 2014 there is still a little bit of stigma about sex. My concern is that there is also a stigma about being an adult virgin. What’s going on? I want to say sex is just sex but I don’t believe that to be true. Sex is not just sex because if you are not careful, sex can be dangerous. It can hurt other people if you betray them with sex and, yes sex can be seen as an act of betrayal. Like infidelity for example.

While I’m still going to stay abstinent until marriage, I think it’s hurtful to view sex as such a bad thing. Think it’s hurtful to call girls who doesn’t want to have sex a prude. I think it is hurtful to call girls who want to have sex a slut. I think it’s horrible to tell boys you won’t be a men yet until you have sex. Yes you can get STDS from it. Yes you can have an unplanned pregnancies from it. In general though, sex is a good thing and, it shouldn’t be seen as anything dirty. It shouldn’t be something people feel ashamed about. Especially when it’s between you and, your partner or spouse.

 

 

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Relationships: Loving Someone

* Excuse the typos

 

When you are a teenager you deal with a lot of changes. When you are an adult you still go through a lot of changes. There are so many things you wonder about your whole life. One of those questions are “What is Love?” I don’t think a lot of people know the actual definition of love. You can see this when 50% of marriages end up in divorce. While I hope most people get a divorce for the right reasons like spousal abuse or maybe trust issues but there are other people who get a divorce because they’re spouse is sick or because the spouse snoring or anything like that.

Do people still think love is only a feeling? Love is not just a feeling. It’s a choice and, a action. A choice that bonds 2 people together like some kind of powerful force. Love is when you care about someone, you will do anything for them, and, take care of them. When you love someone, you are there for them. When you love someone you protect them. When you love someone you make sacrifices for them. Love is hard and, needs to be nurtured as years go on. Which is why a lot of teenagers break up and, don’t stay together. They are not ready to make those sacrifices and, make that kind of commitment.

“Love is like Friendship on Fire” from the movie The Perfect Man. The movie sucked but this quote is spot on and always stuck with me

You can’t expect love to be passionate and, romantic all the time. You have to have that friendship as the base. Once that fire burns out, that doesn’t mean your relationship is over. You can always start the romance back up again if you find the time but it doesn’t have to be anything big.

Sometimes I wonder if adults are ready for that kind of commitment. If they were, why do they get a divorce all the time. What is that teaching the next generation? “It’s fine to get married but if it doesn’t work out, that’s okay you can just get a divorce.”

Communication is key! Very good communication. Your need to communicate with your spouse. That could be a reason why a lot of people get a divorce. We have horrible communication skills. You should never yell or belittle anyone you love. If you do please stop. Talk it out.

Sacrifices: I will like to tell you two stories about sacrifice

There was this couple who met when they were teenagers. Lets name them Johnny and, Tiffany to keep their identities anonymous. They started dating in high school, and they fell in love. Tiffany family had to move away to another state but they did not break up. They started a long distance relationship. He drove over some weekends with his parents permission to visit her. That went on until they graduated from high school. When they became adults, they got married. Now they are married for 12 years and, have 2 kids. This story shows sacrifice in my opinion because Johnny and, Tiffany were young. Johnny had a choice to date other people and, so did Tiffany. Why would they make those kind of sacrifices at a young age? Because they loved each other and still do. They wanted to be together, so the did everything they could together.

Now the next story is about my experience with love and, sacrifice. I have this friend. Lets call him Dave. I had a crush on him all through high school. We laughed together, flirted, hung out etc. A year after we got out of high school, he told me he was gay. I was heartbroken, I thought we were going to get married. I had fantasies about us being together. In my head I had two choices. Stop being his friend because it hurt so much that I would never be with him, or keep on being his friend and, be there for him every step of the way. I let him go, but keep on being his friend. He was never going to like me the way that I liked him. If I was a true friend and, if I really cared about him, I had to continue to be his friend. It’s not his fault that he was gay. It was just the way it is. To me that was a sacrifice that I made. I wanted to stay his friend because I loved him. He was there for me when I needed him, so it was time for me to be there for him and, be supportive because I loved him.

People say true love hurts. While it shouldn’t hurt in an abusive way, it does hurt in other ways. Like when you find out your spouse or lover is terminally ill or if your spouse or lover dies. Or if your spouse or lover is just having a gloomy day and, they don’t want to talk to you about it yet. It hurts. It hurts to see the person you love sad. I can relate to that. I hated to see my mother cry. I loved her so much. I hated to see her in and, out of the mental hospital. I hated to see her be afraid of my dad. To see her like that really hurt me. It’s okay to admit that love hurts in that kind of way.

Everyone is capable of loving. Everyone is capable of being loved. Just because you have been abused or treated unfairly in a previous relationship you can love again. There are so many good people in this world than bad. I honestly think so and guarantee it. The only problem with a lot of people in this world today is they don’t know what love is and, they are cynical about it. Love is real!

You can see it when a parent holds their children hand walking to the park. You can see it when a brother tries to make his sister laugh at his jokes. You can see it at a soup kitchen where people give up there time to help other eat their meal. You can see it when a teenager teach an elementary school child how to read. You can see it when you see a person play with their dog. You can see it when a boyfriend decides to pick up his sweetie from work without complaining. You can see it everywhere. In a world where it feels like there is no hope, you can always find love.

You are ready to be in a committed relationship or even married if you love others because if you love others, treat others like decent human beings and, if you serve others in need without expecting anything in return. You are ready to find the love of your life because if you do those things for other. Imagine what you can do for your significant other.

Will you do something for me? If you have a crush on someone or interested in someone. Or maybe you just entered into a relationship. Don’t tell them that you love them that would be creepy but show them that you care and, show them that you love them because that is what love is a choice. They may not say it and, know how to express it in words but they would feel very warm inside. They will feel loved.

 

 

 

My Life in High School: Regrets I Made in High School

 

 

 

I hated high school. My school high school  has 3 schools on one ground. Most kids had to walk school to school to get to their classes. The school has over 6,000 kids/students.

I tried so hard to fit in and, I tried so hard to be out going but being outgoing is not me. I tried to join clubs but I never stuck to them. I always got bored and quit. The only thing I stuck with was choir. I love to sing. I was in a play called the “Pajama Game” in my senior year. It was great! I met nice people , and had confidence in myself. I loved it but, besides the play and, choir, I never stuck to any clubs.

When I was in high school, I was so shy. Maybe I wasn’t shy, I think I was probably introverted. People thought I was mute. Really, really, mute.  According to a girl I went to high school with, people pitied me. I don’t know why people had pity on me. People always said I look sad. That was probably because I had unresolved issues at home. No one knew the hell that was living  inside my head. If you haven’t been to my blog before, that’s another story.

I also didn’t do too well in school. I was smart but I gave up on school. I put too much pressure on myself and, when I do that I become stressed out and, lazy. I was very stressed out at home and, that affected my school work and, my social life. I felt worthless.

So many other things happened to me like me being bullied but lets save that story for another blog post.

The mistakes I made in high school was

-Not accepting myself in for who I really was.

– Not doing well in my classes and, giving up.

– Quitting clubs and, activities

– Appreciating high school  more

– Not being happy

Please appreciate your high school years. You are only a teenager once and, you only go to high school for 4 years. Don’t waste those years being depressed like I was.  If you are suffering from depression, keep on getting treatment. Make friends do well in school and, be happy. The teenage years don’t have to be that. You choose to be happy. It is possible to be happy, even in high school.

 

Be a Parent Dammit

Ok I am usually a really nice person. I am usually sugar coat things, but no one else like ti sugar coat things and others thing. One thing that bothers me is that parents do mot know how to be parents anymore.

http://thegreatfulmom.wordpress.com/2013/05/08/why-i-dont-think-my-kids-should-have-to-ask-my-permission-to-get-tested-for-stds/comment-page-2/#comment-324

In the link above a woman wrote a blog. Just read the blog.

While I kind of agree because I am concerned about the health welfare of the child. That’s what teenagers are children. I still think that the doctors should notify the parents. It also got me thinking, what kind of parent doesn’t know that your child is having sex or have an STD? Why can’t parent know what their child is up too? Are the children too scared to tell the parent? Are the children too fast for their own good?

Why can’t people have discipline in their own home? What is going on? Why don’t parent talk to their children. Why don’t teens talk to their parents?

Something is wrong here. Children don’t have respect for their parents anymore. Sometimes I do think some children should be whipped but you can’t even do that anymore without calling it child abuse.Parents need to be clear with their kids about the rules.

Do parents have rules anymore.? There is this video of a man whooping his daughters because they were twerking on camera. If you don’t know what twerking is, look it up on youtube. .That also got me thinking. How in the word do these young girls no what twerking is? Do these parent monitor what their children watch? Do they know what music their children are listening to? Do they have television blocks? I know the girl probably learned what twerking was from friends and, other kids at school? Do you know where your kids are? Do you have a curfew for you kids? Are you your kids parent or are you their friend?

Be your child parent, not their friend. Parenthood and friendship are two different relationships. At the same time the child shouldn’t fear the parent, but respect the parent. I guess the child can fear the parent enough to respect them but, don’t make them think you are the boogie man. Well keep on loving you children. Nothing is wrong with discipline.

You may comment if you would like

Peace and Love

-Angel

 

What do you think? People Obsessing Over Celebrities.

I am very upset with this society. I am very upset with people. I’m going to tell you why. I just found out about this yesterday. In the beginning of the year there was a picture of Justin Bieber smoking weed.  Some troll decided that it would be funny if they started this protest and said Justin Bieber fans should cut themselves. Guess what? Some of the fans did and, it was all over twitter. All these hash tags. Kids are getting dumber and, dumber. Cutting is not a joke and it is very serious but that’s not the point I am trying to make. Why are we so obsess with celebrities? Are bored with are own lives. Who cares if Justin Bieber is smoking weed? To be honest I don’t think anyone should be smoking weed but why is it anyone business. Fans are hurting themselves because they are too busy worrying about a celebrity. These are more than fans,these are fanatics. Not religious fanatics but, they are worshiping celebrities they probably will never meet.

All the personal questions the interviewers be asking The Biebs. When Justin Bieber turned 18 they ask “Are you still a virgin?” Is that anyone business? Let these celebrities be. I don’t want to know if Justin Bieber is a virgin. The reason why I’m using Justin Bieber as an example because I realize teenagers and preteens are crazy. Not all but most teenagers have their crazy moments. Justin Bieber fans are the craziest. Now we follow celebrities on twitter.

Some  Justin Bieber fans threatened Selena Gomez because they started dating. Or was it Kim Kardashian? Justin Bieber doesn’t want you.

This isn’t the first time a fan on a celebrity did something crazy.  Several years ago I think there was this woman who was stalking  a singer named Paula Abdul. The woman killed herself in front of Paula Abdul’s house.

I have a couple of questions.

Why do you think some fans obsess over celebrities?

Why do we care about actors and, singers personal lives?

Why does it seem like there are teenage girl doing all the obsessing?

Well those are my first “What do you think?” questions. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be fans of a celebrity. Just don’t get obsess. Don’t hurt yourself over them.

P.S. I was going to name the blog “Cut for Justin Bieber” but I didn’t want people to get the wrong idea or think I’m supporting this mess.

Double Standards: Age, Gender and, Sexual Harrassment

A couple of weeks ago, I have been watching this show called “Glee”. You know the corny show about the high school glee club. Sometimes glee can be corny, but other times it has some serious topics.This particular episode was when tone of the student named Ryder admitted that when he was 11 he molested by his babysitter who was an 17 year old girl. He said he didn’t even want to tell his parents because, he felt ashamed. Sam and Artie who are the other students said that they would want 17 year old girl to jump on them. They thought Ryder was the luckiest guy on the earth. They couldn’t understand why Ryder was complaining.

This episode made me think about how many guys fee this way. That men who accuse women of rape are pussies, and I feel that is misinformation. How many rapes committed by women that victimize young boys go unreported? If an eleven year old girl got raped by an seventeen year old boy, they would either call her a slut (Some guys are like that.) or they would be ready to put their hands on the guy who did it. It shouldn’t matter which gender get molested, both boys and, girls are the victims if they get molested.

I have another example on how we lake it lightly when a grown woman is with a teenage boy. There was this hit song that came out in the early 90s. It was called “Just Can’t Handle It”. It was sung by this teen R&B group called “Hi-Five” The first verse described how this 16 year old boy had a crush on an older women and, that happens. Then it got to the second verse and, in the second verse described how he skipped school, and went to her place. Then she started undress in front of him so, that makes him tempted because this 25 year old woman is so fine. (If you live in another country and, you don’t know what it means when you call a person fine. Fine= attractive or sexy). I think this song was a hit for a short time. It played at school dances and, kids sung along to it.But lets be honest if a girl was singing this song about a 25 year old man. Do you think people would be singing along with it. They would have thought the 25 year old man was a creep. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why kids like the song back then because it was catchy and danceable but I don’t think the song would have made it on the charts, I think it would have made it on the news if it was about a 16 year old girl, and a 25 year old man.

The bottom line is that we should stop making man feel ashamed if they are the victims of rape.  We should be more empathetic to all rape victims. I think society teaches that it is ok  for teenage boys to have sex with grown women. They would become man if they do that. Society also tries to teach us  that if you were raped as a little boy, you should feel ashamed. I think that’s what that episode of “Glee” was trying to point out. Society also teaches that if a young woman sleeps with another guy she is a the victim, a gold digger or, a slut. If a girl is raped she is a slut (some guys think that way) or the victim.

If you been raped you are in my prayers. It’s not your fault. If you are a rape survivor you are in my prayer, and I admire you so much for being strong.

To learn more info about rape go to:

http://rainn.org/

If you want to know about that episode of “Glee” go to:

http://rainn.org/news-room/glee-rainn-team-up-for-episode

Stories: My First Crush

Before my first “serious crush” I had a couple of crushes before the guy I am going to write about but this guy was my serious crush. The reason why I ‘m writing this story because it’s good to get things off your chest. I’m pretty sure other girls (and guys) can relate to my story, and it would really relate to teen girls and maybe guys who are insecure.

It all started on a Sunday at church. The summer of 2007.The summer before freshman year of high school. After church I went to Sunday  school and, then he walked in. He was new to the area. Let’s call him Jason. He move here from England. It wasn’t love at first and, it wasn’t even lust at first sight. I didn’t start crushing on him then but he was attractive I guess. It turns out we were going to the same high school in the fall. When he found that out his eyes bright up and his facial expression was like cool. He was excited that he was going to know someone in his grade.

That year in the fall, we never had any classes together, and we didn’t really bump into each other. We talked a lot at church but not at school. Then one day in October Jason saw me in the hallway, and said “Hey Angelisa” then for some reason when I looked at him, my heart started beating fast, my palms started sweating and, I didn’t know what to do. Why did I feel this way all of the sudden? We said hi before and, we talked before. Then he asked “How was your day?” He tried to make small talk but I did not know what to say. I said fine and then walked away fast. Since then every time I saw him, my heart beat really fast.

I got really sad because I think he started liking my best friend. She didn’t like him but I had a feeling he liked her. He always talked to her. They weren’t exactly flirting but, he gave all his attention to her. Then he had other girlfriends and that broke my heart. But even though he dated other girls our friendship grew. We talked but I refuse to talk about any of his girlfriends. He only had two girlfriends in high school but that was enough for me to get my heart broken. I had an on again, and off again crush on him for three years in my high school career. Then I fell in love with someone else my junior and senior year. That is another story.

Jason drove me crazy though. Sometimes I like him and, sometime he got on my nerves. Just the little things he did like played rap music too loud in the car, or wearing a 59/50 hat. I’m sorry I think those hats are goofy. The same things that got on my nerves about him are the same things that I found cute about him. The reason why he got on my nerves because those little things made me blush. One thing that made me like him was how he treated his little sisters. He has 4 little sisters who he protects, and I can tell he loves them very much, and I can tell that they love him too

Well in 2011 Jason went off to college and I went to college. I was still hung up on this other boy until I found out a secret about this one boy that wasn’t really bad but it prevented us from having an relationship. I will tell you that story another time.

He came back home for the summer of 2012, and he offered to drive me to a barbeque  that  this girl was having. After the barbeque he drove me home, and we talked about music, and life. The feelings were rushing back again. I don’t know why it just did. He is a cool guy. Well because of my shyness, and the fact I wanted to kiss him but I didn’t want to kiss him and he definitely didn’t want to kiss me so when he dropped me off, I hopped out of that car really fast. He wasn’t offended by it because the following Sunday he saw me at church, and smiled at me , and I froze but instead I could carry on a conversation. He probably couldn’t even tell that I was nervous. It was weird because in my freshman, and sophomore year of high school, he never smiled at anyone, and never was that friendly. I guess he grew up.

Now Jason’s on a mission trip with our church, and I wrote a letter to him and, he wrote back. He probably would never return the feelings I have for him but,  before he went he told me I was amazing. I rather for him to think that I am amazing and be his best friend than be a stranger to him.