What’s the Problem with Sex?

Lets be honest, I’m 21 and still a virgin. In fact I am waiting until marriage. But I’m not going to write about my religious or personal beliefs about sex. I am going to write about something that has been on mind lately.

I realized people are afraid to talk about sex and, yet we live in a over sexualized society. People don’t mind making fun of sex. Makin jokes about it but we can’t talk about it.

People act like only guys think about sex. “Men are visual creatures” they say. What about woman? Coming from a woman, I’m going to tell you guys this. Women are visual creatures too. I don’t know if men are more visual than women but that is the most stupidest quote I ever heard.

Some people think that is the reason why girls and, women should dress modestly. A man will look at you even if you do dress modestly. I am not against advocating modesty but if you dress modestly to get a man not to notice you sexually, it’s not going to work.

What my question ball down to “What’s the problem with sex?”

Society tells you if you don’t have sex until marriage or because you just don’t want to, you’re a prude. If you do have sex before marriage, they call you a slut. These statements are a real big contradiction. So what if someone wants to wait until marriage? If they don’t wait until their marriage that is their choice.

Even when a woman is married the still feel ashamed to have sex because that is what society tell her. Sex is bad. Sex is dirty. Society tell her sex is only something that men want and, need.

In popular music, instead of talking about how sex is a tender moment between two lovers, they play song like “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke that talk about sex as a dirty, and selfish act.

Because society tells women that sex is something that men want and, need. We have feminist saying if a woman has sex before marriage they are liberated.

Proof of that “A liberated woman who has sex before marriage and, a job after.” Gloria Steinman. So now if you wait until marriage you are not liberated or a feminist. There are so many things wrong with this quote

Another thing it is becoming abnormal to be a virgin at 21. Don’t get me wrong teenagers have been having sex since the beginning of time but this is 2014. We live longer now and, it is so abnormal to be a virgin at 21 years old. You are still young when you are 21. You have plenty of time to have sex. What is wrong with this society where it is the end of the world to be a 21 year old virgin?

Parents expect their teenagers to wait to have sex until they are adults but they don’t want to talk about sex to their kids. There are statistics saying the more often you talk to your children about sex, they will most likely wait longer. Seriously parents talk to your teens about sex and, healthy relationships. Please I beg you.

We expect too much out of sex. People say “You shouldn’t wait until marriage to have sex. You have to take that baby out for a test drive.” Look sex isn’t a car. My body isn’t a car. Your body isn’t a car. Do not compare sex with cars. You are just going to break up because the sex isn’t good enough? What since does that make?

People think if you wait until marriage to have sex, it will be some kind of magical night. It would be so wonderful and, special. Depends on your perception it could be wonderful and, special. That does not mean it won’t be awkward. It probably won’t be magical. Actually that depends on your perception too. My point is people expect too much. You don’t have to test out that “car” before you are married, but you shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations about sex either.

Sex is a personal decision that you have to make. Whether you’re waiting for marriage or having a one night stand. It is a personal decision that no one should judge you on. But this post isn’t about having sex. It’s about our views on sex and, how we are afraid to talk about it. IN 2014 there is still a little bit of stigma about sex. My concern is that there is also a stigma about being an adult virgin. What’s going on? I want to say sex is just sex but I don’t believe that to be true. Sex is not just sex because if you are not careful, sex can be dangerous. It can hurt other people if you betray them with sex and, yes sex can be seen as an act of betrayal. Like infidelity for example.

While I’m still going to stay abstinent until marriage, I think it’s hurtful to view sex as such a bad thing. Think it’s hurtful to call girls who doesn’t want to have sex a prude. I think it is hurtful to call girls who want to have sex a slut. I think it’s horrible to tell boys you won’t be a men yet until you have sex. Yes you can get STDS from it. Yes you can have an unplanned pregnancies from it. In general though, sex is a good thing and, it shouldn’t be seen as anything dirty. It shouldn’t be something people feel ashamed about. Especially when it’s between you and, your partner or spouse.




Love? Love is Beautiful

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King, Jr

When I was a teenager, I thought love hurt. I thought that love was when you love someone so much it hurt. When I was young, I thought love was disgusting.You know I went through that boys have cooties phase. I think most of us went through that phase. When we separated ourselves from the opposite sex. I realized that love come in many different forms, the love you have for your significant other, the love you have for your friend, the love you have for you family, and even the love you have for a stranger. Love is more than affection and, butterflies in your stomach. I just realized that. Love doesn’t hurt, and it’s a choice.

You can see people love each other everywhere you go. You can see love when a mother hold her child. You can see it when a person is by their friend side, when they a crying. You can see it when someone is helping a person take their groceries to their car.

When someone loves you, they don’t hurt you intentionally. People who love you uplift you, they don’t try to bring you down. They help you out all they can. People who love you make sacrifices for you. When your friend can be doing something else like watching “Dr Who” they are actually at your house comforting you because one of your loved ones dies. Your boyfriend might miss the football game just so he can spend time with you. Instead of having a girls night out, your girlfriend decides that she wants to spend time with you by playing your favorite video game. Remember how you parents went to every sports event, or any event that you had at school or your community? They wanted to see you. Why? Because they loved you.They probably wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for you. They probably tried to get off work and, make room in their schedule, just to see you. That’s one way to tell that your parent love you.Taking care of someone when they are sick, is love. Saying “I love you” is love, while you are also showing them how much you love them

To me love is when you care for someone. Love is acts of kindness for a person you care about, and/or have deep feelings for. Love is also caring for someones needs. Love is being there for them. Love is the base in every friendship, and relationship. A friendship without love is is just being aquantances. A serious relationship without love is just infatuation.

That brings us to that question. Is love a feeling? Well “falling in love” is a feeling but it can fade in my opinion. “Being in love” is a choice. “Falling in love” is just another way of saying that you are infatuated. Sexual attraction is part of it also. You have a choice to stay in love in a romantic relationship. Relationships take work. The way you treat each other in an relationship will either bring you two closer together or push you two apart. It is up to the both of you, if you want to become closer or grow apart.

Love is a bond that brings people together. That is what makes love beautiful and, that is what makes love a force. That is what makes it more powerful than hate. That is what Martin Luther King Jr. meant when he said this  “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King, Jr

Love is so powerful it can get rid of hate. Love doesn’t hurt, if it does then it is not love. If you hurt the people you love unintentionally and, intentiontionally, say you are sorry and, don’t do what you did again. Responsibilities come with relationships but if you are willing to be that persons lover, or that persons friend it would be worth it. Love is what brings us together. Show the people in your life that you love them through actions and, words. Do something nice for them and for strangers. It is okay to love strangers too. Love is beautiful. Love others and accept the love others give to you.

Don’t Tell a Person How They Should Feel

Some people, try to tell others how to feel. You are foolish for feeling that way they say. They say you should be happy or you should be sad about some situation. The thing is you shouldn’t tell a person how they feel. It will only make a person more upset. Let me tell you a story.

A teenage girl fell in love with this boy. Head over heels. They thought they love each other very much. Adults say you’re not in love, you don’t like him. It’s just puppy love. Even though what the adults say may be true it is still  calling the girls feelings stupid. No feelings are stupid, and I hate when adults say that to teenagers. The girl and her boyfriend breaks-up, and she thinks it’s the end of the world. The parents say that it wasn’t going to last anyway.Don’t be sad. Well that makes things worse.

You can’t tell a person how they should feel. How can you disregard their feelings just because you don’t understand why they feel this way. Just listen to them. If you give advice when they just want someone to talk to, they will probably not want to talk about their problems to you again. Like I said in my other post “Talk to Someone”, it is important to talk to someone. Talking is crucial and, if you say they shouldn’t be feeling this way and, judging someone will not make them feel comfortable talking to you again.

Listen to their problems, comfort them, don’t criticize their feelings, and don’t judge. Don’t give advice unless they ask for it. If you really did break-up with your bf or gf cry it out if you feel like it.

Peace and Love


Spending Time with Family

In this day and age where we all are busy, we never have a chance to spend time with family. The teenagers want to spend most of their time with friends, and the parents work a lot. Don’t get me wrong nothing is wrong with working, and nothing is wrong with hanging out with people your own age. But some families get to the point where they don’t even know each other anymore.

That is probably why teenagers and parent don’t connect like they should besides the whole teenagers trying to find your own identity thing. They are afraid that their parents might judge them because they spend enough time together to build trust. My worries is that parents get to that point where they don’t know what their children are doing.

How do you not know that your daughter has boyfriend?

How do you not know your son is having unprotected sex?

How do you not know you child brought a torture weapon?

How do you not know that your child is unhappy?

I understand some people are single parents, so they have to work a lot. You can still try to have a night with the family. I know most teens will think a family night is lame but you can have a lot of conversations with each other to build that trust again. Your child will feel more comfortable to tell you more thing, if you are not quick to judge. You can also try to eat at the kitchen table with the family. A lot of stuff comes out at the kitchen table.

They might not tell you most of the things that are going in their social life right away but here are the things that a parent should know about their teen.

1. Who their friends are.

2. What are their hobbles. (If you are a parent who doesn’t know your children hobbies, all I have to say is wow)

3. How are they feeling.

I am in no way saying that parents and teens should be friends, but in my opinion a parent and their child bond should be strong. Children shouldn’t become friends with their parents until they become parents themselves. You should trust one another like a person would trust a friend but they should be able trust each other more. Parent should still keep boundaries but don’t lose that relationship because your child may have a secret life that you probably don’t  even know about.

Don’t forget to tell your kids that you love them, because I’m pretty sure they love you too.