What’s the Problem with Sex?

Lets be honest, I’m 21 and still a virgin. In fact I am waiting until marriage. But I’m not going to write about my religious or personal beliefs about sex. I am going to write about something that has been on mind lately.

I realized people are afraid to talk about sex and, yet we live in a over sexualized society. People don’t mind making fun of sex. Makin jokes about it but we can’t talk about it.

People act like only guys think about sex. “Men are visual creatures” they say. What about woman? Coming from a woman, I’m going to tell you guys this. Women are visual creatures too. I don’t know if men are more visual than women but that is the most stupidest quote I ever heard.

Some people think that is the reason why girls and, women should dress modestly. A man will look at you even if you do dress modestly. I am not against advocating modesty but if you dress modestly to get a man not to notice you sexually, it’s not going to work.

What my question ball down to “What’s the problem with sex?”

Society tells you if you don’t have sex until marriage or because you just don’t want to, you’re a prude. If you do have sex before marriage, they call you a slut. These statements are a real big contradiction. So what if someone wants to wait until marriage? If they don’t wait until their marriage that is their choice.

Even when a woman is married the still feel ashamed to have sex because that is what society tell her. Sex is bad. Sex is dirty. Society tell her sex is only something that men want and, need.

In popular music, instead of talking about how sex is a tender moment between two lovers, they play song like “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke that talk about sex as a dirty, and selfish act.

Because society tells women that sex is something that men want and, need. We have feminist saying if a woman has sex before marriage they are liberated.

Proof of that “A liberated woman who has sex before marriage and, a job after.” Gloria Steinman. So now if you wait until marriage you are not liberated or a feminist. There are so many things wrong with this quote

Another thing it is becoming abnormal to be a virgin at 21. Don’t get me wrong teenagers have been having sex since the beginning of time but this is 2014. We live longer now and, it is so abnormal to be a virgin at 21 years old. You are still young when you are 21. You have plenty of time to have sex. What is wrong with this society where it is the end of the world to be a 21 year old virgin?

Parents expect their teenagers to wait to have sex until they are adults but they don’t want to talk about sex to their kids. There are statistics saying the more often you talk to your children about sex, they will most likely wait longer. Seriously parents talk to your teens about sex and, healthy relationships. Please I beg you.

We expect too much out of sex. People say “You shouldn’t wait until marriage to have sex. You have to take that baby out for a test drive.” Look sex isn’t a car. My body isn’t a car. Your body isn’t a car. Do not compare sex with cars. You are just going to break up because the sex isn’t good enough? What since does that make?

People think if you wait until marriage to have sex, it will be some kind of magical night. It would be so wonderful and, special. Depends on your perception it could be wonderful and, special. That does not mean it won’t be awkward. It probably won’t be magical. Actually that depends on your perception too. My point is people expect too much. You don’t have to test out that “car” before you are married, but you shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations about sex either.

Sex is a personal decision that you have to make. Whether you’re waiting for marriage or having a one night stand. It is a personal decision that no one should judge you on. But this post isn’t about having sex. It’s about our views on sex and, how we are afraid to talk about it. IN 2014 there is still a little bit of stigma about sex. My concern is that there is also a stigma about being an adult virgin. What’s going on? I want to say sex is just sex but I don’t believe that to be true. Sex is not just sex because if you are not careful, sex can be dangerous. It can hurt other people if you betray them with sex and, yes sex can be seen as an act of betrayal. Like infidelity for example.

While I’m still going to stay abstinent until marriage, I think it’s hurtful to view sex as such a bad thing. Think it’s hurtful to call girls who doesn’t want to have sex a prude. I think it is hurtful to call girls who want to have sex a slut. I think it’s horrible to tell boys you won’t be a men yet until you have sex. Yes you can get STDS from it. Yes you can have an unplanned pregnancies from it. In general though, sex is a good thing and, it shouldn’t be seen as anything dirty. It shouldn’t be something people feel ashamed about. Especially when it’s between you and, your partner or spouse.

 

 

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Mental Illness and, Domestic Violence: My Mothers Story

I will like to tell you another story about what happened in my childhood. My mother was a strong woman when I was little. She use to dress really nice and, she had a great career. She knew what she wanted and, in my eyes she was a fearless woman. Until the abuse began and, she started isolating herself and, was becoming worried a lot. She also had a lot of anxiety attacks and, there were days where she just stayed in bed. She also started to miss work and, she cry a lot. In 2001 or 2002 she was taken to the hospital. What happened was that she got in an “argument” with my father that day and, she was having an anxiety attack. She wanted to calm herself down and, she took too many pills. My neighbor at the time was worried so she took her to the hospital and my mom stayed there for a few days.

I was 8 years old at the time and, I was so worried. I think I cried the whole time she was away. This wasn’t the last time she went to the hospital. My mother has bipolar, depression, and, anxiety most likely because of the abuse. She takes 11 different medications. I also have depression and, I also have PTSD (Post traumatic stress).

My mom isn’t the only women who has an mental illness because of Domestic Violence. 50% of women who are living with mental illness suffered from some kind of trauma. That trauma can be sexual assault or physical abuse.

My mother is still a very strong woman.  There are some days she doesn’t like to do anything, there are others where she cries and get stressed out a lot. She cannot work in the workforce anymore. She receives disability. She wants to work again but her doctor says that is not a very good idea. I don’t know our lives is ever going to get back to normal again but we are trying to take it day by day. All I can tell you we are happier now than where we were 11 years ago.

http://www.fcadv.org/projects-programs/trauma-mental-health-domestic-violence

How to Respect Women: Boys I’m talking to you

One day I was taking a stroll around my neighborhood and, these three boys were staring at me. They looked like they were teenagers. One of then yelled “Hey!” to me. He walked over to me and, I was wondering if I knew him from somewhere. Then he asked. “Do you suck dicks?” I said no. He thought I was another girl he said. I felt very uncomfortable and, disgusted. Why would someone come out and, ask anyone that. What a creep. This is why I am writing this blog today. How to respect a lady. I made a list.

 

– Do not ask a girl if she suck dick. That is just rude and disgusting.

– If you see a girl and, you think she’s cute but you don’t know what to say, just smile at her. Don’t whistle or, bark like a dog.

– Open the door if you see a woman coming. You do it with women you know and, don’t know.

– Practice chivalry

– See them as human beings, not objects.

– Don’t pressure a girl to have sex. No means no.

– Don’t expect to make out on the first date. Try having a conversation.

– Don’t put your hand on women. That means don’t hit her or punch her. Don’t abuse her.

– Think about how you want a man or a person to treat your mother or sister. Do you want someone to ask them if they suck dicks. I hope you don’t.

– Don’t call them derogatory names. How would you feel if someone calls your mother the c-word.

Think about how you want to be treated as a human being. I mean do you really want someone to randomly come up to you and ask  you. “Do you suck dick?”

Double Standards: Age, Gender and, Sexual Harrassment

A couple of weeks ago, I have been watching this show called “Glee”. You know the corny show about the high school glee club. Sometimes glee can be corny, but other times it has some serious topics.This particular episode was when tone of the student named Ryder admitted that when he was 11 he molested by his babysitter who was an 17 year old girl. He said he didn’t even want to tell his parents because, he felt ashamed. Sam and Artie who are the other students said that they would want 17 year old girl to jump on them. They thought Ryder was the luckiest guy on the earth. They couldn’t understand why Ryder was complaining.

This episode made me think about how many guys fee this way. That men who accuse women of rape are pussies, and I feel that is misinformation. How many rapes committed by women that victimize young boys go unreported? If an eleven year old girl got raped by an seventeen year old boy, they would either call her a slut (Some guys are like that.) or they would be ready to put their hands on the guy who did it. It shouldn’t matter which gender get molested, both boys and, girls are the victims if they get molested.

I have another example on how we lake it lightly when a grown woman is with a teenage boy. There was this hit song that came out in the early 90s. It was called “Just Can’t Handle It”. It was sung by this teen R&B group called “Hi-Five” The first verse described how this 16 year old boy had a crush on an older women and, that happens. Then it got to the second verse and, in the second verse described how he skipped school, and went to her place. Then she started undress in front of him so, that makes him tempted because this 25 year old woman is so fine. (If you live in another country and, you don’t know what it means when you call a person fine. Fine= attractive or sexy). I think this song was a hit for a short time. It played at school dances and, kids sung along to it.But lets be honest if a girl was singing this song about a 25 year old man. Do you think people would be singing along with it. They would have thought the 25 year old man was a creep. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why kids like the song back then because it was catchy and danceable but I don’t think the song would have made it on the charts, I think it would have made it on the news if it was about a 16 year old girl, and a 25 year old man.

The bottom line is that we should stop making man feel ashamed if they are the victims of rape.  We should be more empathetic to all rape victims. I think society teaches that it is ok  for teenage boys to have sex with grown women. They would become man if they do that. Society also tries to teach us  that if you were raped as a little boy, you should feel ashamed. I think that’s what that episode of “Glee” was trying to point out. Society also teaches that if a young woman sleeps with another guy she is a the victim, a gold digger or, a slut. If a girl is raped she is a slut (some guys think that way) or the victim.

If you been raped you are in my prayers. It’s not your fault. If you are a rape survivor you are in my prayer, and I admire you so much for being strong.

To learn more info about rape go to:

http://rainn.org/

If you want to know about that episode of “Glee” go to:

http://rainn.org/news-room/glee-rainn-team-up-for-episode