Living With Depression: Overcoming the past.

Sorry for the typos I’m about to make.

I am a 19 year old girl with depression. This is my story. When I was a little girl, I was a happy kid. I was a normal kid. I felt normal. I thought I was in a happy family but my dad physically abused my mom and emotionally abused me. I thought it was normal. I figured out that this wasn’t right when the police came I almost thought what he was doing was normal. A couple of days after Easter, in 2003 something happened and we finally left. We left for good. We went to stay at a battered women’s shelter for a couple of months. I should add something before I go on my mother has anxiety, bipolar disorder, and depression. Her doctor says  that the abuse could have triggered it.

We left the shelter and found an apartment. She got an restraining order but I still had visitations with my dad. The plan was that he would pick me up at  my grandmas and drop me off.  Well, that plan went down the tubes. He found out where I went to school and where my mother and I lived. I don’t know what on earth happened to the restraining order. I don’t even know how he found us. He just did. He continued visitations with me. He picked me up from where I actually lived and dropped me off. Then the visitations just stopped after my mom had a surgery. November of 2004 he came one night unannounced. I got nervous. We were talking about school and stuff then he wanted to take me somewhere. My mom said no because she made dinner and it was time to eat. Then he just jumped on her and I yelled at my dad and told him to stop. He was choking her. I told him to leave and never come back. He stayed away. My mother got another restraining order and I never seen him again.

There is more to this story. Since the police, my mother, and I was afraid that he would come back. They told my principal and they emailed all of my teachers. When I went back to school after the incident my teachers looked at me with a sad face. It felt weird. Besides that incident the rest of middle school  was good. High school came along. It was hard. I didn’t do my best in most of my classes. I got depressed. I started cutting myself my freshman year. I felt that I didn’t have a lot of friends in high school. I didn’t trust a lot of people. I was diagnosed with depression and got on anti depressants. I am still  angry at my dad. I love and hate him at the same time. It’s weird. The weird thing is that my mom can move on from what he did to her but I still get angry about.

I just want you to know, if you are reading this and you are abusing your significant other or spouse. Please stop! If you can’t stop, break-up with them. If you two have children please stop abusing your spouse.

The reason why I am writing this blog is that I want people to see where depression comes from, for some people. I also wrote this blog because the anger of what happened  burst today. I cried all morning. I told my mom how I felt and I felt better. I should have talked to my mother a long time ago. Another reason why I wrote this blog is that a childhood friend of mine is getting married. She’s a few years older than me. Anyway there was this picture of the groom having his arms around his bride. They were hugging each other tightly in a loving way. They wanted his arms to show  him hugging her to symbolize that he would always protect her and she would always protect him. It was a beautiful picture. That picture got me thinking. I was thinking “Why didn’t my father protect my mother?” Instead he hurt her. I feel betrayed. I can never trust him again. I am trying to overcome the past and writing this blog help me. If you are suffering depression and/or domestic abuse, you are all in prayers.

P.S On a brighter note I’m getting treatment and tomorrow is a brand new day filled with hope. Don’t worry about me I’ll make it. I’m fine. Sorry for the typos.