Relationships: Loving Someone

* Excuse the typos

 

When you are a teenager you deal with a lot of changes. When you are an adult you still go through a lot of changes. There are so many things you wonder about your whole life. One of those questions are “What is Love?” I don’t think a lot of people know the actual definition of love. You can see this when 50% of marriages end up in divorce. While I hope most people get a divorce for the right reasons like spousal abuse or maybe trust issues but there are other people who get a divorce because they’re spouse is sick or because the spouse snoring or anything like that.

Do people still think love is only a feeling? Love is not just a feeling. It’s a choice and, a action. A choice that bonds 2 people together like some kind of powerful force. Love is when you care about someone, you will do anything for them, and, take care of them. When you love someone, you are there for them. When you love someone you protect them. When you love someone you make sacrifices for them. Love is hard and, needs to be nurtured as years go on. Which is why a lot of teenagers break up and, don’t stay together. They are not ready to make those sacrifices and, make that kind of commitment.

“Love is like Friendship on Fire” from the movie The Perfect Man. The movie sucked but this quote is spot on and always stuck with me

You can’t expect love to be passionate and, romantic all the time. You have to have that friendship as the base. Once that fire burns out, that doesn’t mean your relationship is over. You can always start the romance back up again if you find the time but it doesn’t have to be anything big.

Sometimes I wonder if adults are ready for that kind of commitment. If they were, why do they get a divorce all the time. What is that teaching the next generation? “It’s fine to get married but if it doesn’t work out, that’s okay you can just get a divorce.”

Communication is key! Very good communication. Your need to communicate with your spouse. That could be a reason why a lot of people get a divorce. We have horrible communication skills. You should never yell or belittle anyone you love. If you do please stop. Talk it out.

Sacrifices: I will like to tell you two stories about sacrifice

There was this couple who met when they were teenagers. Lets name them Johnny and, Tiffany to keep their identities anonymous. They started dating in high school, and they fell in love. Tiffany family had to move away to another state but they did not break up. They started a long distance relationship. He drove over some weekends with his parents permission to visit her. That went on until they graduated from high school. When they became adults, they got married. Now they are married for 12 years and, have 2 kids. This story shows sacrifice in my opinion because Johnny and, Tiffany were young. Johnny had a choice to date other people and, so did Tiffany. Why would they make those kind of sacrifices at a young age? Because they loved each other and still do. They wanted to be together, so the did everything they could together.

Now the next story is about my experience with love and, sacrifice. I have this friend. Lets call him Dave. I had a crush on him all through high school. We laughed together, flirted, hung out etc. A year after we got out of high school, he told me he was gay. I was heartbroken, I thought we were going to get married. I had fantasies about us being together. In my head I had two choices. Stop being his friend because it hurt so much that I would never be with him, or keep on being his friend and, be there for him every step of the way. I let him go, but keep on being his friend. He was never going to like me the way that I liked him. If I was a true friend and, if I really cared about him, I had to continue to be his friend. It’s not his fault that he was gay. It was just the way it is. To me that was a sacrifice that I made. I wanted to stay his friend because I loved him. He was there for me when I needed him, so it was time for me to be there for him and, be supportive because I loved him.

People say true love hurts. While it shouldn’t hurt in an abusive way, it does hurt in other ways. Like when you find out your spouse or lover is terminally ill or if your spouse or lover dies. Or if your spouse or lover is just having a gloomy day and, they don’t want to talk to you about it yet. It hurts. It hurts to see the person you love sad. I can relate to that. I hated to see my mother cry. I loved her so much. I hated to see her in and, out of the mental hospital. I hated to see her be afraid of my dad. To see her like that really hurt me. It’s okay to admit that love hurts in that kind of way.

Everyone is capable of loving. Everyone is capable of being loved. Just because you have been abused or treated unfairly in a previous relationship you can love again. There are so many good people in this world than bad. I honestly think so and guarantee it. The only problem with a lot of people in this world today is they don’t know what love is and, they are cynical about it. Love is real!

You can see it when a parent holds their children hand walking to the park. You can see it when a brother tries to make his sister laugh at his jokes. You can see it at a soup kitchen where people give up there time to help other eat their meal. You can see it when a teenager teach an elementary school child how to read. You can see it when you see a person play with their dog. You can see it when a boyfriend decides to pick up his sweetie from work without complaining. You can see it everywhere. In a world where it feels like there is no hope, you can always find love.

You are ready to be in a committed relationship or even married if you love others because if you love others, treat others like decent human beings and, if you serve others in need without expecting anything in return. You are ready to find the love of your life because if you do those things for other. Imagine what you can do for your significant other.

Will you do something for me? If you have a crush on someone or interested in someone. Or maybe you just entered into a relationship. Don’t tell them that you love them that would be creepy but show them that you care and, show them that you love them because that is what love is a choice. They may not say it and, know how to express it in words but they would feel very warm inside. They will feel loved.

 

 

 

Mental Illness and, Domestic Violence: My Mothers Story

I will like to tell you another story about what happened in my childhood. My mother was a strong woman when I was little. She use to dress really nice and, she had a great career. She knew what she wanted and, in my eyes she was a fearless woman. Until the abuse began and, she started isolating herself and, was becoming worried a lot. She also had a lot of anxiety attacks and, there were days where she just stayed in bed. She also started to miss work and, she cry a lot. In 2001 or 2002 she was taken to the hospital. What happened was that she got in an “argument” with my father that day and, she was having an anxiety attack. She wanted to calm herself down and, she took too many pills. My neighbor at the time was worried so she took her to the hospital and my mom stayed there for a few days.

I was 8 years old at the time and, I was so worried. I think I cried the whole time she was away. This wasn’t the last time she went to the hospital. My mother has bipolar, depression, and, anxiety most likely because of the abuse. She takes 11 different medications. I also have depression and, I also have PTSD (Post traumatic stress).

My mom isn’t the only women who has an mental illness because of Domestic Violence. 50% of women who are living with mental illness suffered from some kind of trauma. That trauma can be sexual assault or physical abuse.

My mother is still a very strong woman.  There are some days she doesn’t like to do anything, there are others where she cries and get stressed out a lot. She cannot work in the workforce anymore. She receives disability. She wants to work again but her doctor says that is not a very good idea. I don’t know our lives is ever going to get back to normal again but we are trying to take it day by day. All I can tell you we are happier now than where we were 11 years ago.

http://www.fcadv.org/projects-programs/trauma-mental-health-domestic-violence