Lets talk about Depression, Suicide, Robin Williams and, Michael Brown.

*This post will also deal with the politically incorrect, uncomfortable subject of race. So beware.

On a sunny day on April 2003. I was 9 years old. That was the first day I was considering suicide. That was the day I decided to put a knife to my chest. That was also the day my mother and, I ran away from my dad and, we live in a battered women shelter.

I was diagnose with depression when I was 13 and, also with post traumatic stress disorder. I was suicidal since I was nine.

Why am I telling you this?

Well as we all know Robin Williams is dead because he committed suicide. I hate that phrase committed suicide but you know he killed himself. When I first heard that he committed suicide. I was like “Oh how sad, I wonder how he died. Did he have cancer? Did he have a heart attack? I hope he didn’t get murdered!” But he committed suicide which is just as bad as murder. When I realized he committed suicide it brought tears to my eyes. I was sad that he had manic depression. I was sad that he felt he couldn’t live any longer. I was also heartbroken because I knew that if I didn’t get help and, treatment, I could do that to myself.

As a Black woman I also know how hard it is to be black in America and, the oppression. When I heard about Michael Brown, I was thinking “Oh no not again. Not another senseless killing of a Black man. I don’t know the whole story but when you hear a story about a black teen who is male, gets killed by police, and, he was unarmed this weird feeling gets in the gut in your stomach because…

1. The killing was unfair and, you think it’s racially motivated.
2. You feel sad for him and his family and, friend. You put yourself in his and his families shoes.
3. No offense but you are afraid that your people are going to riot and, make a fool out of themselves, which makes them just as guilty as the police officer that killed Michael Brown.

Now, the reason why I’m talking about Michael Brown, Robin Williams, depression and, suicide is because these both tragic events happened on the same weekend. I’m going to be a little harsh here but IGNORANT PEOPLE, yes I said IGNORANT PEOPLE think one death or one person is more important than the other. People say “Why does this white man get more attention than Michael Brown.” I’m fed up with comments like that.

Also there are people calling Robin Williams selfish. Whether he was selfish or not, saying that will not bring Robin Williams back and, it will not help people who are suicidal. Calling people who committed suicide and people who are suicidal selfish is just a bad idea. If I get enough likes or views, I will tell you why on the next post.

Another thing Black people do not like talking about mental illness. I don’t think our community understands the subject of mental illness. Most communities don’t. Most blacks do not want to admit that they need help mentally actually, most people period don’t want to admit that they need help mentally because they are scared of letting people in their business. See Black people are a private people, we don’t like discussing personal problems with strangers which makes since but sometime everyone needs someone to lean on who is a stranger because strangers don’t judge. Which is why you see a therapist to help you understand what’s going on and/or a psychologist.

My point is that no issue is more greater than the other. Mental illness, racism, suicide, and police brutality are issues that we face today. They are equally important. Don’t tear people down if some people want to talk about Robin Williams, depression and suicide. Don’t knock people down if people want to talk about Michael Brown and, police brutality.

Now that I got that off my chest because that has been bothering me for hours, back to me. Yes, I tried to commit suicide twice, and thought about taking my life a lot but with a little help from the people that loved me, I can see that I have an amazing future ahead of me. I try to live everyday to it’s fullest because one of the things we can learn from Michael Brown is life is too short, you don’t know what tomorrow has in store. Another person who probably saved my life was a girl name Maria but that is another story for another time. A sad story that is.

If you know someone with depression, please give them a hug and, tell them I love you. When they are ready to talk to you about it, just listen. Don’t give them advice like “Get over it” or “be optimistic” or “Just be happy”. Just listen unless they ask for your advice. Just love them, that’s all you can do. So don’t get discourage if you don’t cheer them up. You can’t do anything but love them.

Have peace and, love in your heart

-Angelisa

Please if you are a victim of police brutality, or racism. If you are a victim of spousal or child abuse. If you are suffering from depression or other mental illnesses. If your loved one is suicidal or committed suicide. Please start your own blog and, tell your story. In our small way we can change the world by doing that. Statistic are a good thing to make people aware but I think sharing our stories is more powerful than that.

I appreciate you reading my long blog. Have a great day.

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Rap Music does not define Black culture

Ok This is going to be another controversial blog so, I am sorry that you are offended by this article.

I was reading this article by Veronica Bayetti Flores. She was talking about this singer name Lorde who sing this song called “Royals” . You probably heard this song. Veronica doesn’t have to like the song but she called the song racist. You may be wondering why she called the song racist.

But every song’s like gold teeth, grey goose, trippin’ in the bathroom.
Blood stains, ball gowns, trashin’ the hotel room,
We don’t care, we’re driving Cadillacs in our dreams.
But everybody’s like Cristal, Maybach, diamonds on your time piece.
Jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash
We don’t care, we aren’t caught up in your love affair

She thinks she is being racist because she mentions gold teeth and, probably because she also mentioned tripping in the bathroom. Now I understand why she came up with that impression because most rappers where gold teeth, and most rappers are Black but it seems like in her article she made it seem like Gold teeth = black people.

I am black and, I am not offended by Lorde’s song at all but i am offended by this article and, here’s why?

“Because we all know who she’s thinking when we’re talking gold teeth, Cristal and Maybachs. So why shit on black folks? Why shit on rappers? Why aren’t we critiquing wealth by taking hits at golf or polo or Central Park East?”

Well I know who you are thinking about Ms. Veronica. I know for a fact you are thinking about black folks. To be honest, Lorde was probably thinking about black folks. But it is not her fault and it is not black peoples fault. It is the media’s fault. That is how the media portrays us (blacks). I never met a black person who wears gold teeth. I have seen black people on TV, and I also seen people of other races on TV wear gold teeth but in real life, never. Gold teeth is a stereotype.

Lorde is right to criticize pop music culture, and mainstream hip-hop culture. She is sharing her opinion, that I happen to agree with.

It does seem today that mainstream music is about the things she mentions. It is true. Is she saying that it is bad to wear gold teeth or drive Cadillac. No, but how did Veronica get the idea that owning a Cadillac=Black people.  I wish I owned an Cadillac but I don’t. How does diamonds=Black people. Well I did hear that diamonds came from Africa. But really though, rappers portray those things and, now when people think of these things, Veronica thinks Black people must own those things and, they also must trip in the bathroom.

Like I said I am more offended by this article and, one of the response comments. I am baffled. Really baffled. Veronica is accusing Lorde’s song to be racist, while her article seems more racist to me. Or should I say prejudice. She assumes that all black people wear gold teeth, all black people drive a Cadillac’s. If you want to know what black music really is besides gold teeth, I write about that later. If you want to know what Black Culture is, I would write a blog about that too.

 

 

 

They Don’t Have to Like You

So, on another post I wrote about Abercrombie and Fitch and on how haters gonna hate. It’s true, people are going to hate you and, judge you on the way you look or your religion. It use to sadden me but now I’m like whatever. See I am an overweight African-American girl and, do you know how many people hate me because of that? Someone gave me the stink eye. I don’t know why they gave me the stink eye but,they sure did. I left it alone. The reason why I wrote this blog is because a lot of people who are gay are sad that people tolerate them but they are angry or sad that they don’t agree with their lifestyle As more gay people come out of the closet, more haters are going to come out of the closet. That’s what I think will happen. Laws change but people don’t.

All I have to say is to the people who are gay and, feel that people don’t like them because of it, shake them off, give them the finger and, move on.

I know that this statement is kind of harsh but, you can’t make people feel a certain way. People are going to talk and, hate but as long as they are not being fake to you,harassing or, yelling in your face, you can’t do anything about it. Don’t let anyone do those things to you by the way, I’m going to write a blog about that later on why you shouldn’t let people treat you like crap.

People are going to hate you because of your race, weight, sexual orientation, religion and, things but, they’re also people who will love you. Think about the people who  love you. If you don’t have anyone, try to make friends who will accept you.

Love yourself, and be confident! Live for you! Believe in yourself!

The only person that should like you is you.