The Lie: You need a boyfriend to make you happy

All my life I heard things about relationship. I always heard things that if you don’t have a boyfriend by a certain deadline, you were deemed to be unworthy. I feel that society teaches us that if we don’t have affection from a guy you are missing out on something. I for one never been asked out on a date and, I’m almost 21 years old. I feel like everyone has or had a boyfriend and, the experience something that I haven’t. I feel like I’m missing out on something. To most teenagers going on your first date is a rite of passage and, I feel a little immature and, inexperienced compared to my peers. They all been in relationships before and I haven’t.

Every girl believes they need a boyfriend to make them happy. We believe that we need a boyfriend or a bunch of guys after us to feel validated and, a guy to make us feel beautiful. That is not true. The reason why we think this is because of Disney Movies and shows that are aimed to girls. They always talk about boys and women who wants to be in relationships and, thinks it’s the end of the world if they don’t have a boyfriend. In fairy tales  you have prince charming always saving the princess, and I think that kind of give girls the idea that they need a man to feel beautiful. There are also shows like Being Mary Jane and Sex and, the City where relationships are the top priority for these women. In both shows you have women with successful careers but they are worrying about men who don’t really care about them. Scandal is another example. A woman that has a great career. While her career is he top priority, her other priority is sleeping with a married man who is the president of the United States. This is probably why women feel that they need a man to make them happy.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t watch Disney movies or TV shows about women and, relationships. All I’m saying is that we need more diverse lifestyles in the media. I think we need to teach girls that they don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. Teach them that it is okay to have other goals in their life, like education, career, and hobbies.

The point is that you don’t need a boyfriend to be happy. You don’t even need a career to be happy. The thing that will make you happy is accepting yourself. You don’t need to be validated for a man. You don’t need a boyfriend to make you feel beautiful. A boyfriend enriches your life but it’s not his job to make you happy. His job is to love you and, be there for you, that is it.  Being single is not a disease, and it is okay. Nothing is wrong with you.

Things I do not want to hear about love

On my last post I written down why I’m scared to date. If you didn’t read that post hears the link https://angelhasajournal.wordpress.com/2014/04/23/afraid-to-have-my-heartbroken-the-affects-of-domestic-violence/

Because of that experience I had there are thing that people say that bother me really bad even if it’s true or not.

1.Love is a choice: When I hear this I hear that love is a burden. It kind of takes the magic out of love. It’s like saying you choose the person you love, you choose to marry them, and you stuck with them for life. If love is a choice, I could choose to love the man down the street. I don’t know a thing about him but I’m going to choose to love him and propose to him.
I wonder if I’m thinking too deep about the phrase love is a choice. Am I thinking too deep on it.

2. There is no such thing as soul mates there are a lot of people in the world: Though this statement may be true. it’s hard. I was kind of hoping if I prayed hard enough, God or the Universe will send me a guy that is not like my father. A guy who is patient, honest, loving, funny etc. But I’m going to have to work at relationship, I have to work at finding a guy if I want to be with a guy one day. I don’t trust myself or people that much, to rely on myself alone. It’s not much I want God to send me a man, I want him to point me to the right direction.

See those are my issues with this. Love should be exciting but for me it’s scary. Honestly, I can’t trust my own instincts if a guy is good or bad. I always doubt myself. I guess I have to take my journey in young adulthood and, learn to trust my instincts.

I Like Him A lot Love Him Even

I hope and pray that I can tell him how I feel. I pray that I will see him again. He is so sweet and he is such an happy person. But he will be going home to California. He doesn’t look like Denzel Washington, Idris Elba or Brad Pitt. He does not look like an Calvin Klein model but he is handsome to me. He is beautiful on the inside.

He is just a friend now but if I would tell him how I feel I would say, when you smile I smile. I want you to be happy. I want to make you happy. The thought of hurting you makes me cry because I would never want to do that to you. You inspire me. I don’t want to see you cry but if you do I would be there by your side. You make me want to be a better person than I’m already am . When I’m with you I feel that we are the only two people in this world. I know that sounds cheesy but it’s true.

We connect and it is so natural for us. When I first met you, I felt like we known each other forever. I felt like we were best friends just catching up with one another. When it is time to be apart. I know in my gut that you feel the same way. The way you look at me and, talk to me. When we talk it seems so natural. Maybe that’s the kind of person you are. A very outgoing person but the way we are together. It feels right you know.

Recently he found out his brother died. I haven’t seen him in 3 weeks though. If I knew his phone number I would call him and be there for him. Thinking of him being sad makes me sad. Not because I pity him but because I love him. Love ! What do I know about love? Is it a feeling? Is it a choice? Do you love for you or do you love for him? I am so confused. Why am I so confused? I want to show him that I love him and, I want to tell him but I am scared I might scare him away. People say that the guy should ask you out, the guy should say I love you first but when I see him I want to hold him and, say everything will be okay.

Should I call it infatuation, should I call it a crush or should I call it love? When people say his name I think “I want to take care of him.” I want to be there for him. I want to make love to him. Is it to early to say that? Making love? I am new to this concept of love and sex. I don’t know what to do. Why do I want these things? Why do I want him to be happy?  Why does he make me happy.

It’s embarrassing for me to be vulnerable and, talk about making love.

I am scared to admit that I love him. I’m afraid people might think I’m stupid. So I am just going to say I like him a lot. He influenced my life. I pray that I will see him again and, when I do see him again, I will be ready.  I will show him and tell him how I feel. It is not like he didn’t tell me he loved me before he did but I don’t know what kind of love he meant. I did not say it back. I don’t believe in soul mate but I know in my heart that he’s the right guy for me. I care for him deeply. He’s amazing.

Don’t Tell a Person How They Should Feel

Some people, try to tell others how to feel. You are foolish for feeling that way they say. They say you should be happy or you should be sad about some situation. The thing is you shouldn’t tell a person how they feel. It will only make a person more upset. Let me tell you a story.

A teenage girl fell in love with this boy. Head over heels. They thought they love each other very much. Adults say you’re not in love, you don’t like him. It’s just puppy love. Even though what the adults say may be true it is still  calling the girls feelings stupid. No feelings are stupid, and I hate when adults say that to teenagers. The girl and her boyfriend breaks-up, and she thinks it’s the end of the world. The parents say that it wasn’t going to last anyway.Don’t be sad. Well that makes things worse.

You can’t tell a person how they should feel. How can you disregard their feelings just because you don’t understand why they feel this way. Just listen to them. If you give advice when they just want someone to talk to, they will probably not want to talk about their problems to you again. Like I said in my other post “Talk to Someone”, it is important to talk to someone. Talking is crucial and, if you say they shouldn’t be feeling this way and, judging someone will not make them feel comfortable talking to you again.

Listen to their problems, comfort them, don’t criticize their feelings, and don’t judge. Don’t give advice unless they ask for it. If you really did break-up with your bf or gf cry it out if you feel like it.

Peace and Love

-Angel

Spending Time with Family

In this day and age where we all are busy, we never have a chance to spend time with family. The teenagers want to spend most of their time with friends, and the parents work a lot. Don’t get me wrong nothing is wrong with working, and nothing is wrong with hanging out with people your own age. But some families get to the point where they don’t even know each other anymore.

That is probably why teenagers and parent don’t connect like they should besides the whole teenagers trying to find your own identity thing. They are afraid that their parents might judge them because they spend enough time together to build trust. My worries is that parents get to that point where they don’t know what their children are doing.

How do you not know that your daughter has boyfriend?

How do you not know your son is having unprotected sex?

How do you not know you child brought a torture weapon?

How do you not know that your child is unhappy?

I understand some people are single parents, so they have to work a lot. You can still try to have a night with the family. I know most teens will think a family night is lame but you can have a lot of conversations with each other to build that trust again. Your child will feel more comfortable to tell you more thing, if you are not quick to judge. You can also try to eat at the kitchen table with the family. A lot of stuff comes out at the kitchen table.

They might not tell you most of the things that are going in their social life right away but here are the things that a parent should know about their teen.

1. Who their friends are.

2. What are their hobbles. (If you are a parent who doesn’t know your children hobbies, all I have to say is wow)

3. How are they feeling.

I am in no way saying that parents and teens should be friends, but in my opinion a parent and their child bond should be strong. Children shouldn’t become friends with their parents until they become parents themselves. You should trust one another like a person would trust a friend but they should be able trust each other more. Parent should still keep boundaries but don’t lose that relationship because your child may have a secret life that you probably don’t  even know about.

Don’t forget to tell your kids that you love them, because I’m pretty sure they love you too.

Talk to Someone

I do not like talking to people about my problems and how I’m feeling because I find it embarrassing. I had to learn to talk to my mother about my feelings. In my experience holding things in may not be the best thing to do.If you keep things holding in for so long, you will explode. That’s why people need to talk to someone they trust. The people I have known that don’t talk to anyone about their problem are the ones who get angry easily, and the ones who hurt themselves. You can only hold things in for so long.

The people I know in my life who committed suicide did not talk to anyone about their problems until they had a suicide letter stating their problems, but then it’s too late. These people always had a smile on their face and pretended everything was fine. Then the next thing they took their own life.

That is why when you are depress and something is bothering you talk to someone.   So please if you are having a problem talk to someone you trust. You can also see a therapist. I have been seeing a therapist about two months now and that has helped me a lot. You can also talk to a school counselor.

Remember to talk to someone about your trouble, and it’s okay to cry. You will feel better at the end.

I am also aware that if you talk to a friend or family member about your problems they might judge you or not understand you. I’m going to write a blog about that in the future.